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10 recruitment jokes that come with an “elf” warning

It’s Chriiiiissstmaaaas! To get you in the holiday mood, we’ve trawled the web for the best recruitment and contracting funnies to share with you. Enjoy!

10 recruitment jokes

Recruiter asks a candidate: “How long were you in your last position?”
Applicant replies, “I’d say my biggest weakness is my listening skills.”

Why did the recruiter cross the road?
To recruit a chicken.
Why recruit the chicken?
He knew it would accept a poultry salary.

My boss told me, “Dress for the job you want, not the job you have.”
Now I’m sitting in a disciplinary meeting dressed as Wonder Woman.

“I think I want a contract cleaning mirrors. It’s something I could really see myself doing.”

Did you hear about the rubbish umbrella company?
It was never open.

A koala and an elephant apply for the same job, and they both get turned down.They ask the recruiter why the employer rejected them. The recruiter replies, “Your koalafications are completely irrelephant”.

Why did the scarecrow get the job?
He was outstanding in his field.

I have lots of jokes about unemployed people.
But none of them work.

Interviewer: “How well do you perform under pressure?”
Candidate: “Not bad, but I do a great Bohemian Rhapsody”.

An applicant is asked, “What are your main strengths and weaknesses?”
“Well”, he said, “My main weakness is that I sometimes have trouble telling what’s real and what’s not.”
“OK”, says the recruiter, “What are your strengths?”
“I’m Batman”

Our Christmas payroll deadlines

While you try to stop your sides from splitting at the above list, on a more serious note, here are our payroll deadlines for over the festive period:

Monday 23rd December: 15.00
Tuesday 24th December: 15.00
Wednesday 25th December: Closed
Thursday 26th December: Closed

Friday 27th December: 15.00
Monday 30th December: 15.00
Tuesday 31st December: 15.00
Wednesday 1st January: Closed

We would like to take this opportunity to wish all of our contractors, agencies, suppliers and associates a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!